I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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