i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
