I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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