How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
