he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Someone came in the potted fern
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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