went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I lost the right to judge tonight
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
