So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize