why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I AM VODKA MAN
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
