He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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