Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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