Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
