I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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