That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
