Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
