im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
