I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
