I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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