I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
FUCK WHALES
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