"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
