you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
