I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
