OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
