so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
