brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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