I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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