forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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