We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
