I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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