we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
They took my balls.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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