Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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