honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
