God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
