Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
