She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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