The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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