is your mom at the bar?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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