You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
