He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
