Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
