Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
sarcasm needs its own font
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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