I just made out with a guy for $7.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize