put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
