what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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