Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
