we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just want nice things and good sex
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize