Where is the hickey?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
