It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
