$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
