I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
