I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
