he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
