I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
