i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
