is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
