So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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