Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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