Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
