Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
