Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
