My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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