it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He did a backflip because drugs
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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