Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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