You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
