Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
