He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
