i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
