I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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