Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
this hospital has no fireball
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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