When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
