1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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