New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
