Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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