When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
